Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
Kushandwizdom
Do you ever chastise yourself for not being where you want to be in life? Do you mull over things you wish you had? Do you spend your time constantly comparing yourself to others?
Life is short and often we trundle along, so intent on our next goal or focusing on the things we don’t have, we forget to stop and just be in the moment and value where we are now.
Recent events and news from family and friends have made me realise that everyone goes through periods of doubt, uncertainty, and upheaval at different times in their life. Sometimes its when we are in the midst of berating ourselves for not being as far along as we hoped, that its only when something devastating happens to someone close to us, that it makes you stop and think, and realise life is short and we should appreciate and value where we are in this moment.
Life is about the journey not the destination and sometimes it takes the hard knocks that floor us to prompt us to change and grow. Its incredibly important to value where you are in your journey, regardless of what is happening in your life and how far you still need to go.
Remember there is only one you.
Learning to value yourself and appreciate where you are in life is a daily grind but by implementing these key themes, you can become more fulfilled in your life.
Accept and love yourself
Accepting and learning to love yourself is such a cliche isn’t it? How many times have you heard therapists, energy healers or social media use this phrase?
Accepting yourself is the first step in becoming your true, authentic self. By accepting yourself you will be more able to step into your power and you will automatically change your life, for example, I always experienced low self-acceptance when I was younger. I was in constant fear that I was an imposter or failure.
Sound familiar right?
So many of us feel like this.
I refused to accept myself fully. I only focused on pleasing others and overcompensating in all areas of my life. I refused to allow myself to feel or show others anything but a ‘picture perfect’ image of my life. It was only when I went through profound grief and didn’t have the energy anymore to present my ‘picture perfect’ life, that I began to learn to accept myself. In my grief, I isolated myself from everyone and everything around me but interestingly in doing so I learned to enjoy being alone, to prioritise my needs and to accept all the parts of being me.
Try this self acceptance exercise to help you accept all parts of yourself:
List everything you like about yourself or you think you do well with a plus sign. Then list everything you dislike about yourself, everything you don’t think you do so well or handle so well about yourself with a minus sign. Finally sit with your list for a while, clearing your mind and objectively look at the list containing all the minus signs. Be patient with yourself and honestly ask yourself, are these beliefs valid?
Beside each minus sign on the list, write something you do well to counteract the negative belief, for example, ‘I am a scatterbrain’ which is a negative thought or belief but this actually ‘encourages me to be more organised and more creative in my work.’ I have, therefore, turned a negative thought or belief into a positive belief. Try it and see, it really works!
Learning to love yourself is the next step and it’s so important. How can you expect anyone else to love you, if you don’t love yourself? Learning to love yourself is also so hard. Naturally, we are all our own worst critics. Our internal voice, used in prehistoric times to warn of us danger, tends to focus on the negative and articulates our fears. Reprogramming how you see yourself and your ingrained belief system can encourage you to begin to love yourself more.
Try these positive affirmations to positively reinforce your image of yourself:
“I am…” is one of the most powerful tools in positively reprogramming your core beliefs about yourself. So each day repeat these affirmations back to yourself,
I am amazing and there is no one like me.
I am lovable, loving and deserve to be loved. I love myself.
I am successful in all areas of my life.
I am accepting and kind to myself, whatever life throws at me. I love being me!
Be grateful and appreciate the blessings in your life.
Gratitude is the easiest and quickest way to becoming fulfilled in life. Appreciating all your blessings on a daily basis will alter your mindset, encouraging you to look at life in a much more positive manner.
Think of the analogy of a glass, half full.
What is the first thought that comes to your mind?
Your first automatic thought will show you if you think in a positive or negative thought process.
Some people will focus on the negative, seeing the glass is half empty, and there isn’t enough whilst those people who show gratitude will see the glass is half full and be thankful and open to all the possibilities that might come, when the rest of the glass is filled.
It’s easy to begin to include more gratitude in your life. You can start a gratitude journal to catalogue everything you are grateful for each day or think about 3 things before you go to sleep that you appreciate or that went well that day. Soon, you will start noticing more and more things in your life to be grateful for and without realising it, you will alter your mindset positively.
Love openly and with all your heart
No matter what you have gone through, open your heart to giving and receiving love. Practicing small acts of kindness towards others is a good start towards opening yourself to love. What you give out, you receive back. Sometimes something as small as smiling at someone, complimenting or helping them can make you feel good and usher in more loving thoughts.
To open yourself up to love further, whether it is romantic love or you just simply want to feel appreciated with your loved ones, take some time and sit down and focus on what you want. Then look at any negative patterns or blocks that keep happening in your life. Then focus on how you can heal yourself.
For example, when I kept getting the same pattern of people being dismissive with me, I had to sit down and take a long, hard look at myself. I realised I deflected how I felt constantly. If someone asked me about me, I constantly dismissed myself and turned it around to ask the person about themselves. I knew that in order to heal, I needed to stop dismissing myself and my feelings. This automatically changed the negative pattern I had created and I no longer felt dismissed.
So try this technique:
What do you want to achieve?
What negative patterns or blocks are surrounding this issue?
What do you need to do to heal? What can you do to help it along?
Clearing your energy and realigning your heart chakra will also help you to heal and attract more love in your life.
Try this opening your heart chakra exercise:
Find a quiet space to sit or lie down, where you won’t be distracted. Visualise your heart being surrounded by a warm green light. As you breath in and out slowly, visualise the warm green light expanding out from your heart, healing any blocks, any pain, any heartbreak, you may have, as you expand it out, further and further into the world. Continue to breath in and out slowly, taking deep breaths from the body and enjoying the warm, green light encasing you. When you are ready to come back to the world, say this affirmation, “I am open and ready to receive love in all areas of my life. I am abundantly loved, adored and appreciated.”
Learning to live in the moment.
Learning to live in the present and enjoy the moment is key, when you are appreciating where you are in life. The present is called the present for a reason, it’s a gift. Too often we spend our lives following 1, 3, or 5 year plans or we become so scheduled or goal orientated that we forget to simply stop and enjoy each moment.
This doesn’t mean that you ignore your dreams or completely scrap your goals. Even if you’re oversaturated with tasks, stopping and taking moments throughout each day to appreciate what is happening will make you feel more fulfilled long term. If you’re like me and sometimes you struggle to relinquish control or to stop and just be, try this technique below:
One minute gratitude technique:
Stop wherever you’re and take three deep breaths. Close your eyes and when you open them, look at where you are. Use your five senses, sight, smell, touch, taste and feel to zone into the moment and find something around you that makes you smile.
Keep active, keep learning and keep exploring the world around you
To truly appreciate how far you’ve come, it’s important to keep learning and challenging yourself on a daily basis. Keep your mind and body sharp by staying active and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. When we try something new or explore new surroundings, our brains release a rush of dopamine, which then emits feelings of reward and pleasure.
Looking back and appreciating how far you’ve come can also be transformative because it will show you how much has changed in your life. If you’ve overcome difficult situations, it will also show you how strong you are emotionally.
Try this exercise to appreciate how far you’ve come:
Find somewhere quiet, where you won’t be disturbed. Sit or lie down and take three deep breaths. Think back to where you were five years ago. Ask yourself,
What was I doing?
How did I feel?
What has changed positively since then?
Then repeat this exercise, thinking about three years ago, one year ago and even 1-6 months ago, for as many times as you need. Bring yourself back to the present and feel proud of yourself for all you have achieved.
So next time you find yourself chastising yourself for not being were you want to be, change your mindset. Stop and value how amazing you truly are and start to count all the blessings in your life. Always remember everyone is on their own journey so appreciating you for you and where you are now. You are exactly where you are for a reason and it just means that there are even more exciting, incredible things flowing into your life in the future.