Do you ever struggle with disappointment after receiving a harsh no? Do you ever build your expectations up so much, its a shock when you don’t get the promotion, house, romantic relationship you were hoping for?
“Hope rises like a phoenix from the ashes of shattered dreams.”
S. A. Sachs
Disappointment…it usually comes after a big NO. When your expectations have been unexpectedly dashed. It happened to me, just this morning. An opportunity I had applied for, daydreamed about, turned out to be a big, resounding NO!
It happens to all of us but it doesn’t stop that initial wave of disappointment from engulfing you and making you go – Oh! Where do I go from here?
Disappointment is basically our ego and perception of ourselves becoming wounded, over where we are or want to be romantically, spiritually, professionally, emotionally or financially at a certain point in our life.
Disappointment can, however, bring liberation when we least expect it and encourage us to step into our power. It can force us to make changes we would never have anticipated, that lead to even better things, we wouldn’t have ever even considered for ourselves.
Sounds random right? But, just think back to a time that actually a disappointment led to something extraordinary happening in your life. Disappointments happen for a reason because they prompt us to sink or swim, to stagnate or grow.
So how do I grow from disappointment?
Simple! If we change our perception of disappointment, we can use it as a lesson moving us towards personal growth and success.
The key is how we choose to react to the disappointment.
Its all too easy to wallow in our negative emotions, but like me this morning, when I was faced with a full days work ahead and my family needing my attention, or to wallow and feel sorry for myself, I had to dig deep and realise how fortunate I am!
Sometimes though you just need a boost to help you overcome the emotions disappointment brings up in us. When we experience any blocks, obstacles or setbacks, it is important for our mental health to acknowledge it by doing the following:
Process and accept the feelings of loss.
Taking time out to process the setback or disappoint is important. It is normal to have negative feelings after encountering an obstacle. It is also healthy to acknowledge and feel those negative emotions and then release it and move on.
So firstly, tune into your emotions and acknowledge why you feel negative. Ask yourself:
Why do you feel this way? What made this so important or is the no important?
What expectations had you set surrounding the situation?
How can you move past the negative emotions and feelings of disappointment?
Learn and grow from the experience
Remember to recognise that obstacles, setbacks and disappointments are a natural part of life.
We all experience disappointments professionally, romantically, socially, physically, emotionally, mentally and financially at different points in our lives.
Being able to separate yourself from a painful situation and objectively figure out what you needed to learn from it, can do wonders for how effectively you can overcome a disappointment or setback. Every experience in our lives, the good, the bad and the downright ugly are all opportunities to learn. Use this technique to analyse both your good, your bad and your ugly experiences each day and you will find yourself moving on from painful or traumatic experiences much more effectively:
Why do you think it happened to you? Why do you think it was successful or unsuccessful?
Do you blame yourself or someone else?
What is the root trigger that is upsetting you the most? Why do you think you were triggered?
How did you react? Are you proud or ashamed of how you reacted?
What can you learn from this experience? How can you move on positively from this experience?
Keep trying or re-adjust your plan or try an alternative
If something is important to you try and try again or make some changes to your idea or plan. Ever small change or setback can lead you closer to your dream, for example Walt Disney was fired from Kansas City Star because Walt’s Editor believed he lacked imagination. Walt Disney chose to learn from this disappointment by continuing to believe in himself and go after his dreams. Just think, if Walt’s Editor had of believed in him, he probably wouldn’t have been half as successful as he was.
So take back the control and make small re-adjustments that suit you. Its ok for your goals or dreams to change and evolve, its actually healthy!
Try this goal oriented exercise:
Why do I want this goal/dream/desire? Is it truly what I want?
Why do I think it will enhance my life or make me happier?
Am I truly passionate about it or am I swayed by others notions of what would be good for me?
Can I achieve the same goal any other way?
Doing this exercise can bring a lot of clarity, for example, I realised the opportunity I had applied for was me following ‘social norms.’ The expectation that you should have certain things at each milestone in your life. I actually realised it didn’t inspire me, and underneath I wasn’t that disappointed, my ego had just been hurt. It has actually made me take the leap to go after what I truly want and to be proud of myself no matter what! The key takeaway is to value your self worth and always believe in yourself and your dreams.
Visualise your success
Fear is a very human trait we create in our minds. Think about it, if you knew that everything was automatically going to work out for you,
What dreams would you go for? What would you do?
Life is short and we only get one chance, so go for what you want. Without realising it we are all successful every single day. Sometimes a day will hold small successes that we often overlook or ignore. Visualise you success by appreciating the small wins as well as the big wins.
Try keeping an ‘Appreciating my Success’ book:
Each day write down each positive mini success you received regarding your dream or goal, for example, an email telling you you’d done a great job when you are working towards promotion or someone complimenting you on how well you look, when you are trying to be healthy.
You can do this in all areas of your life. Abundance is success and comes in many different forms. If you feel stuck ask your family and friends to pick out mini successes that happen each day. Very soon, you will be appreciating each small win and recognising the hug you received from your daughter or the money flowing in to cover a certain bill, as successes.
By appreciating the little wins, your bigger successes won’t feel as daunting as well, when you go after them.
So next time you are faced with a disappointment, big or small, ask yourself, what can I learn from this experience? How can it make me stronger? How can I use it to positively go for my dreams?